I lost my son to suicide three years ago. He was twenty three and had everything to live for…..or that’s what I thought. His pain was his own and obviously got the best of him.
The pain he left behind is mine, my families and his friends. Shattered Hearts is appropriate here but the phrase “getting through the grieving process” is a misnomer. I’m sorry to say that you never get through the grieving process when you lose a child. You merely learn to cope with the pain. I’ve lost my father, aunts and uncles, cousins, grandparents and close friends. Dealing with those losses is natural and part of the “life process”. We all go through it, it hurts and we move on. There are times though when it’s unnatural. You are not suppose to out live your child or maybe even your spouse. This pain is different. The depression that follows is different. The healing doesn’t happen. What happens hopefully is that you decide to live the best way you can.
I talk in singular tense for a reason. Grieving is a very personal thing. Only you know how it feels and really only you can help yourself. Doctors, friends and family can only get you so far. It’s great when you can get support but the problem is that no one can really understand what you are going through. The support is great, and knowing that people care is very important for your emotional survival but it’s you and you alone that decides how to cope.
In my case, three years have passed and rarely a day goes by where I don’t cry. The emotional fabric that once held my feelings in tack has been ripped to shreds. I see life differently and I am definitely a different person now. If there is something positive from my loss, it’s that I understand the true meaning of compassion. Love, kindness and compassion are the key words I now find very important in my life. Through this experience I have lost friends and gained truer ones.